I feel empty today. I feel very restless. I can feel my thoughts tying me down. As I struggle to come in terms with the way I am feeling, I ask myself "Did I go wrong?".
The fear of going wrong has always been a constant fear for me. It pops up all the time like those fungi on a rotten piece of vegetable. So, am I the fungus or am I the vegetable? I am both. I fear and hence I am the fear I have. Confusing? You will get it in due course.
I am being very blunt today, am I not? It happens all the time when I am in a mood like this. But, today, I don't feel like saying a sorry for my bluntness. I want to be me and be in the mood I am in and express the mood I am in. For me, it is a bold step but I have got to be real. I have got to be me to be peaceful - to be peaceful with the world around me and most importantly, to be peaceful with myself.
I always fear losing myself to the intricacies of life. I fear that I will lose myself when I try pleasing others or stick to the image others have of me. It surely is not easy being yourself and being bold and being real in this world. But, there are exceptions - exceptions who require to be applauded.
Take for instance, this young, baptized Sikh woman, Ms.Balpreet Kaur who was all over the internet a few months ago for a reason as silly as facial hair. But, she was not ashamed that her facial hair caused a furore over the internet and her gender was debated across social networking sites. Infact, she was comfortable being herself, leave alone being victimized. How many of us could actually do something like this? A few million, a few thousand, a few hundred ? The answer is, probably, only a handful of us. I am not saying that women should stop trimming their facial hair, all I am saying is, it takes a lot of courage to take a tough decision and stick to it and this woman had all the courage to do it. She stuck to the decision she had made and stuck to it gracefully. She was being bold and she was being real. True to her own self. I have not met you Balpreet but I bow to you for who you are.
Another instance is the case of homemaker husbands. It takes a lot of courage to sit at home and let the wife earn money while you manage the home as beautifully as any woman would do. It is against the "so called society norms" and yet there are a lot of men who stand up to it and do the task as gracefully as it can be done without fearing what the society has to say about them. Come on guys, take a bow. They took their decisions and stuck to it, running a happy family, without being egoistical about it. Now, this is bold! I don't know if, as a wife, I would be bold enough to agree to my husband doing this even if he was ok with it. I admit I simply don't have the courage to do it. How many of you have the courage?
I have nothing more to say. I was overwhelmed when I read about them and now, I feel the same while writing about them. Take a bow once again you real people out there, for, you have the courage to be bold and to stay real. Kudos to you!
One small wish: When the time comes for me to take a difficult decision and stick to it, I wish I do it gracefully!